Dukes: 'New Year's Eve is the worst'

Ben Krimmel
December 27, 2018 - 3:44 pm

Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

Is New Year's Eve the worst day on the calendar?

Chad Dukes would say yes. 

"New Year's Eve is a garbage holiday," Dukes said on 106.7 The Fan. "It isn't fun. It isn't funny."

Dukes outlines the four things which NYE is all about:

1. Vomiting

2. Amateur hour for drinkers

3. Overpriced everything 

4. Horrible television shows

"The worst TV that you can possibly muster up across the landscape," Dukes said. "Unfunny stiffs in tuxedos watching a bunch of morons going to the bathroom in their pants in the worst city in America. That's all it is. Idiots staring up at the sky watching a ball drop as they urinate everywhere. Dum-dums. It's the worst." 

(Note: New York City will not hear a bad word from this writer.)

Dukes argues the build Americans experience from autumn, football, Halloween ("horror movies, candy, Jack-o'-lanterns, fun, parties, everything's fun"), Thanksgiving ("maybe the best we got" and the compelling argument as to why America is a better country than all others), and then "the granddaddy of them all" Christmas is a period that can't be capped by the awfulness of New Year's Eve.

"They might as well re-name New Year's Eve Pitbull because it's everything that he is: No substance. None. The greatest trick the music industry has ever pulled is convincing us that Pitbull does something. He does nothing. He puts on a tuxedo, unties the tie, and pumps his fist," Dukes said.

(Note: Mr. Worldwide will not hear a bad word from this writer.)

"New Year's Eve is the worst," Dukes said.

The solution: Move the Super Bowl.

"The Super Bowl should take place on New Year's Eve. Because the Super Bowl is the best and we have to wait too long to get to it anyway," Dukes said. "Imagine for a moment: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Super Bowl. How's that power ranking?"

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