Dukes: 'I don't want to hear about you taking dumps'

Chris Lingebach
March 08, 2018 - 6:13 pm

After taking several uncouth calls Thursday, Chad Dukes had to remind his listeners of one simple rule for his show: "I don't want to hear about you taking dumps."

Steve in Woodbridge, who denied calling in from atop a toilet, did happen to reference "talk-radio minutia and diarrhea," which set the scene for Arthur to drop his own befouled nugget.

Arthur: "What does a beaten dog do? It gets hit, tucks its tail between its legs, sits in the corner and licks itself and waits for the next hit. As a fanbase, it's all that's gonna happen if the Redskins suck again, is pretty much the question. And it's like, all right. Well, then I'll have my cup of coffee and go take my crap. That's it."

Aghast, Dukes felt compelled to address this mess.

"I'm gonna say this one more time, and I can't believe I have to say this into a microphone," he said. "I don't want to hear about you taking dumps. You understand? I can't believe that I've had to do this.

"Didn't a guy say 'diarrhea' earlier? Let me explain something to you, again. Jim Belushi did an improv show last night at The Hamilton. If you're in the stands watching, you didn't get up and start doing improv. You went to the show. If I talk about diarrhea, that's fine. If I talk about toilets, that's fine. I'm a professional. I can make that 's' work, pardon the pun. You... are gross. I don't want to hear it on this show. I don't know how else to put it."

"I mean, I'm doing everything I can," he said. "I'm giving away prizes to the good callers. I'm telling you exactly what needs to take place on the phones. I don't know what else to do. I'm at a bit of a loss here. Goodness gracious. And I've got these tickets to give out. Now I've got to give out tickets to callers that will not stop talking about their bowels on the airwaves. It's not appropriate. It is not appropriate."

Follow @ChrisLingebach and @1067TheFan on Twitter