JUNKIES: Ram calls in drunk from Vegas to start the show

July 19, 2019 - 9:01 am
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The fifth Junkie made his (completely unnecessary) presence felt early at the start of Thursday's broadcast.

Ram called The Junkies bright and early from Las Vegas, although it quickly became apparent it was still Wednesday night for him.

EB: He's drunk. I mean, he's already drunk.

Ram: No, no, no. Well, yes, yes. Yes. Yes. But I'm trying to Ramport (comport) myself. I'm trying to Ramport myself. And I'm also trying to drag out this call as long as possible to get my name on the first segment.

Ram: Here's an actual, real offer. I don't think you guys know: I quit smoking April 10 at 6 a.m. in the morning (redundant). I got to the casino. I actually asked somebody. So I was at a table, someone was smoking, and I don't know if you're allowed to say that word – like when you see a beautiful woman, you get 'porny.' Like rhymes with 'porny.'

EB: Right. Right. Right. You got horny. You can say that. You were horny for a cig, I get it.

Ram: But then, but then, you know what? You know what Ram did, because my wife, I love?

Ram was blithering, so The Junks put him on hold, to... Ramport himself.

Ram: I saw his cig and I asked myself: 'Will I get more cised for that cig? Or would I get more cised if, in place of that cig at third base, Jason Bishop was sitting there?'

After being put on hold again, Ram maximized his time by returning with an alluring offer for Jason...

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